The next time I negotiated salary, I got a 35% increase along with a four-day workweek.

What did I do differently? Everything. But first I talked to industry experts as well as successful rainmakers. They helped me come up with a four-step plan that cracked open my employer’s wallet. Here’s what they said:

First, make sure you give an employer excellent service. Companies are profit-making machines that generally award raises only to superior workers. You already are doing the job for a previously agreed-upon pay rate. The only way to change the current arrangement is to offer up more and better goodies than co-workers.

In fact, if you’re not giving 110 percent at work, it’s pointless to show up for another day, says Mary Ann Rust, Ph.D., a Los Angeles psychologist who developed “Blueprint for Career Success,” a job-targeting program used nationwide.

“If you are daydreaming or going slow, or feel resentful, you’re in the wrong job,” Rust points out. “This is a faulty attitude, and you end up learning bad habits that will slop over into your private life, from your tennis game to everything else.”

She encourages clients to view their workplace as a canvas upon which they paint a vividly unique picture of themselves.

“Share your special skills with others. Keep training yourself. Celebrate yourself in work, because the object is to grow as a person, and to use your work as an object of self-development,” Rust urges. Your on-the-job stock will rise accordingly, she adds.

Former Washington, D.C. lobbyist Barbara Hirsch agrees. Hirsch found salary talks went especially well when she tied a raise request to an expanded job description.

“I was always doing things I wasn’t hired to do, and then I would go to my boss and say, ‘We need a new job description for me, and we need to talk about new compensation based on the higher salary range that goes along with the re-written job description,'” explains Hirsch.

Now a publisher, Hirsch makes personnel decisions based on the answer to this question: “Is this person a revenue maker for me?”

“If they are making me more money, then they should make more money,” she adds.

Second, smart money-seekers put themselves in their bosses’ shoes before asking for a raise, says Bruce Loveland, executive vice president for client services at the New York City office of Bernard Haldane Associates, a national career consulting firm.

Before opening the discussion, ask yourself what the boss has to justify internally to make a salary increase happen, suggests Loveland.

If it’s a privately owned company, the first thought likely will be, “This will come out of my pocket, and do I want to take this money out of my pocket?” he says. Public company managers know raises will come out of their annual budget, or the corporate pocket, so their reasoning is similar.

“Basically, the employer asks, ‘What is my return on this proposed investment?'” Loveland continues. Then the boss must decide specifically how much to jack the salary, based on the worker’s perceived worth.

The third step to nailing a snazzy raise is determining how much to ask for. Pre-recession, the average raise ran about 3-5% annually, statistics indicate.

But instead of asking for a generic 4%, base your request on the pay range for a comparable person in your industry with similar skills and experience, says Jacqueline Threadgill, a health-care consultant in Philadelphia.

“It is good – especially for a woman – to make sure there is a policy written on how raises are implemented” before opening salary talks, says Threadgill. “If there is a salary band or range, you need to know where you fall with your current pay.”

Doing this pre-meeting research helped Threadgill get the raise, but first, she recalls, she had to state her case in strong terms.

“Make sure you’ve checked with your resources, are informed of what you need to know, and then have the strength to disagree or debate if necessary about why this is reasonable,” Threadgill says.

Keep in mind, though, that the same job pays differently from one part of the country to another, so a $60,000-a-year job in Phoenix may pay just $53,000 in Nashville – or $74,000 in New York City.

Now it’s time for the main event: what I call the “This is what I’ve done for you; This is what I’ll do for you” memo. It’s the single most important thing you can do to convince the boss that you’re worth more greenbacks.

Start by setting up a meeting during a non-stressful time of the week. If asked, you can say, “I’d like to discuss my future with the company, and some ideas I have along those lines,” prompts Bill Frank, president of Denver-based Career Lab.

Then spend a few hours drafting a hard-hitting memo that details what you’ve done in the last twelve months. Without exaggerating your role, be specific and use punchy language for maximum impact.

For instance, rather than saying you “participated in an important sales project,” say, “I was the lead producer in Target ’14, the company’s major revenue vehicle, bringing in 12% more new business than my peers.”

“Since salary is determined by performance, list your work ‘home runs’ that document your accomplishments and achievements in the memo,” Frank advises. “You’re not being a brown-noser, you’re informing him or her about what you really do for the company.”

In part two of the memo, list several bulleted items about what you plan to do for the company in the coming year. This is a teaser, of sorts, that you tailor to the boss’ agenda and the company’s stated goals. Part two cues the boss as to what he or she may be able to boast about – production-wise – in a year, thanks to you.

Don’t expect an immediate answer. Most supervisors need time to check the budget and mull over your contribution to the company. It’s not unusual to wait a week or even a month before getting an answer to your raise request.

Stay calm, and through it all, advises Rust, remember her mantra: “Work done in love has the breath of life to it.”

Delve Deeper

When NOT ask for a raise

There are times when it’s best to defer asking for a salary increase, no matter how stellar your performance, says Bill Frank, president of Denver-based Career Lab, a career consulting and human-resource firm.

“Raises are always determined by business conditions, most important of which is, ‘Is this business profitable?’ More particularly, is your own particular job a profit center for the employer?” Frank explains.

• Do not ask for a raise when the business is doing badly, or when you’re not generating more revenue than you’re costing. Wait until things improve, or move on.
• Avoid hitting the boss up for more money when he or she is doing badly emotionally. “Don’t go in there the day before your boss is going to divorce court,” Frank says.
• Throw it into reverse if the first mention of a salary increase seems to inflame a normally steady employer. You may have pushed his or her button during some unknown-to-you crisis. Simply say, “I seem to have raised this at a bad time. When would be a good time?”

“We’d heard rumors for months. Everyone was afraid of what was coming. Then one day there was a big meeting, and we learned the company had been sold to a competitor and about half of us were going to be laid off,” Nannaman says.

But she kept her job, survived and even thrived – only to be plunged into merger madness again, less than two years later, when another competitor swallowed her employer. This time, the bottom fell out.

“One Friday a few months after the merger, we were called in, one by one,” she says. “They gave me a paper to sign and a check for two months of pay. It took ten minutes, and I came out and cleared out my desk. I was back home by 3:00.”

In the modern workplace, it’s likely you will experience the uncertainty of a merger or downsizing campaign. But if you’re able to anticipate the downsizing bullet, it’ll be that much easier to dodge.

Sniffing Out A Merger

There are three easy-to-spot indicators that your employer may soon be shopping for a partner or considering offers from another company:

1) Your industry is consolidating. Big companies are eating little companies, and medium-sized companies are teaming up. You notice job shrinkage among competitors. More hints come from TV news, industry newsletters and scuttlebutt on the Web.

2) Your company holds a valuable niche position in the industry – such as being the only profitable copper producer in the West, for instance, or a small but cost-efficient home-health agency in a town dominated by a major healthcare chain.

3) Unusual events collide, such as a surge of employee resignations occurring around the same time as an unexpected inventory of all company equipment and office furniture. Interpretation: savvy workers jump ship before layoffs, and the inventory is part of valuing the company for sale.

If any of the three indicators apply, be aware that a merger is a definite possibility. That means two companies will become one. The merged company, now with more customers, may not lay off the equivalent of a whole staff. But it’s also likely that the new company doesn’t need everybody. For instance, the merged company only needs one human resources chief, but has two; so one person is cut. The bigger company will have more employees to manage, though, so perhaps three-fourths of the human resource clerks from the combined staffs will stay.

Try to figure out which positions will be duplicated if your employer merges with suitors A, B or C. Not sure who the suitors are, or which companies your employer might be eyeing? Again, tap into industry buzz. Stock market analysts and talking heads are always yapping about possible matings. It’s good to know what the potential pairings are, because each merger will shake out differently.

You can’t anticipate every possible scenario, though, as merger fallout also will vary by geography, timing, and external factors. When a giant Colorado-based utility company merged with a Texas utility several years ago, few field jobs (installers, repair personnel) were cut because each company still had a huge territory to cover. But two toy manufacturers in the same state won’t need separate distribution networks after joining, so an entire department of jobs will go.

But if toy company A bought toy company B – which happened to be the maker of this year’s version of the monstrously popular Frozen Snow Glow Elsa – as it was geared up for the holiday rush, workers might be added, not shed. If the same merger happened on the eve of the economic recession, layoffs would have been more likely.

Protect Your Job

While some layoffs are sweeping department-wide executions that don’t take personal achievement or connections into consideration, in many cases your professional reputation can save you a spot in the unemployment line, says employment consultant and author William Charland.

What would your boss say if asked, “Is there anyone especially worthwhile that we want to preserve from this department?” Would your name be the first one mentioned? You can make that more likely by taking steps now, Charland adds.

First, build or re-activate a network of peers and management. Ask people to lunch and talk shop, or chat about mutual interests – but don’t indulge in malicious gossip. Volunteer to help plan the annual office picnic or sign up for the company-sponsored walk-a-thon. Outside of work, read industry magazines, listen to business podcasts, and join a professional organization to make contacts among competitors.

“Choose people who are knowledgeable in your organization or field, and to whom you pose no threat,” he suggests. “Concentrate on those sympathetic to you, and inform yourself about what is going on.”

If you do have a viable network, you’re not going to be taken by surprise by a merger or downsizing, says John Challenger, head of Challenger, Gray and Christmas Inc., a Chicago outplacement firm. And since managers hire or retain those they feel comfortable with, the more friendly relationships you have, the more likely it is that you will stay employed. But avoid “sucking up” or false cheerfulness, he says.

“And don’t hide. A lot of people think ‘if no one notices me, I will slip through.’ But it’s the opposite,” Challenger continues. “They have to select people to stay. So become super-visible in a positive way.” His suggestions: be extra-productive. Volunteer to help on projects. Find ways to cut costs.

Once a merger is announced, cheer rather than whine, he adds. “Accept the change. Accept the merger. Don’t be negative and vocal behind the scenes, as it will come out.”

Laying Off Stress

Job turmoil makes for hideous stress, making it harder to perform well or feel positive, says Dr. Cathy Quinn, a Beverly Hills psychologist.

Feeling powerless or helpless is often the biggest stressor, she says. “Sitting there helplessly waiting for the ax to fall makes for harmful emotional distress. That’s usually a bigger issue than the actual job loss.”

Quinn suggests that the answer is to take charge of what you can and to explore other options if you feel a lay-off may be close at hand. If you didn’t have this position, what would you like to do? Is this the time to go back to school, waitress your way around the world, or leave the workplace to have a baby?

If you decide to stay put, focus on achieving what Quinn calls “a state of non-anxiety” several times a day. Take a series of 10 deep breaths. Get a mini-massage. Meditate. Go to a support group and vent. Take a rousing walk or pound out a few miles on an exercise bike. Take your headset to work and listen to your favorite music at lunch. Or take a good book and immerse yourself in another world during breaks.

“The goal is to remove yourself from the stress, because prolonged stress leads to breakdown of the immune system, which leads to disease,” she explains. “Re-fortify yourself by escaping. And take care of yourself physically by building muscles, eating properly and getting enough sleep to feel good when you wake up.”

Delve Deeper
Job Loss

Employment consultant William Charland says we react to getting a pink slip by “being pissed off, angry, depressed, fearful, even feeling violated.”

The emotions may blind us at a crucial moment, he adds.

During the exit interview, when you’ve been told your job is eliminated, avoid signing anything, even if told “you have to sign this before I can release your severance check.” Employers may exploit the moment to get your signature on documents that hobble your actions long after you’ve worked for them. Sometimes they leverage your severance amount; other times they dangle continued health benefits to get your signature.

Don’t sign a confidentiality agreement about the terms of your severance package or the lay-off process. Companies sometimes use confidentiality agreements to keep details of the merger from getting into the newspapers. The more exploitative the layoff process, the shyer the employer. But your job was just eliminated; why shouldn’t you talk about it if you want to?

Liability waivers are another form of popular exit interview paperwork. Don’t sign it until your attorney has looked at it and given you the green light. It’s still too early to tell if you were selected for layoff fairly or unfairly, and you don’t want to sign away your right to sue. After all, many of the nation’s largest employers have been dragged into court in recent years, where juries found they focused on above-40 workers, women, or minorities when whittling jobs.

Some employers even try to get laid-off workers to sign “non-competes,” meaning they will not work for a close competitor for a certain period of time after leaving. Others restrict the knowledge you can take with you to another employer.

Instead of signing, say, “I need to take a day to consider this before signing. My lawyer will want to review it with me.”

“Don’t decide on the spot or be intimidated. You take a day to think over a job offer, and you also should take a day to think over any kind of termination agreement you are asked to sign,” says William Charland, employment consultant and author. Take your questions to an attorney who specializes in labor law, not just a friend who’s a lawyer.

What if your employer insists you sign now or lose the opportunity for severance or other benefits?

“Very seldom does this happen, if you request a day to think it over before signing. After all, that is unethical and possibly illegal. Say, ‘I certainly should be able to consult an attorney, even if it’s over the phone.’ Above all, maintain a professional posture.”

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Psst…. Did you hear that Laura is sleeping with the boss? Did you know that John came into work drunk last week? That Donna steals her co-workers’ cans of pop from the company refrigerator?

Everyone loves juicy gossip. It’s human nature. But it’s also hurtful to the people about whom we’re gossiping. And too much gossip can prove particularly destructive to an office. In fact, it can tear apart an otherwise well-functioning group of people.

“Gossip is part of human nature. It’s one of the world’s oldest sins, the sin of the wagging tongue,” said Nan DeMars, owner of Minneapolis’ Executary Services, a firm that provides ethics seminars, business consulting and job-placement services. “People want to gossip because it makes them feel important. Unfortunately, gossip can be very painful to its victims.”

Particularly venomous gossip can turn an otherwise productive employee into an outcast, one who’s too embarrassed to speak her mind during meetings or even ask her manager for a raise. And these days, because most people spend the majority of their waking hours in their offices, destructive office gossip can make their entire lives miserable.

A recent study by Britain’s Industrial Society brought the subject of office gossip back into the news. The authors of the study, “New Community or New Slavery,” concluded that some gossip was good for an office. They found that employees feel as if they are part of a team when they participate in gossip, and that gossip helps them form friendships and alliances.

But workplace experts disagree. They say that while office gossip may help some form friendships, it makes others feel as if they are outsiders. When office gossip becomes vicious, it can cause mental and physical problems in its victims, resulting in a less productive workforce.

But there are steps that you can take to prevent office gossip from tearing apart your workplace. If you’re a manager, you can prevent it from starting in the first place. If you’re an employee, you can do your part to stop rumors before they spread. If you’re a victim, you can protect your reputation by taking action.

Ingrid Murro Botero, president of Murro Consulting, a Phoenix-based management consulting firm and corporate outplacement firm, often sees the impact of office gossip. In fact, she saw one of her clients (let’s call him “Fred”) face office rumors as soon as he took a new job. Shortly after establishing himself at a new company, Fred received a telephone call from a former co-worker. After some small talk, the former co-worker asked Fred how his relationship with his fiancée was going. After telling his co-worker that things were great, and that his wedding plans were moving along on schedule, Fred asked why his co-worker would ask him such a question.

The reason? His co-worker had heard during a business reception that Fred had been sleeping with his new boss.

Instead of ignoring the rumor, Fred took the direct, if often uncomfortable, approach. He spoke with his new boss, who then found the source of the rumor, confronted that source and put a stop to the gossip.

This, Murro Botero says, is the best way to handle office gossip if you are its victim.

“The direct approach is the way to handle a damaging rumor,” she advises. “It’s the best way to head it off quickly.”

It’s natural for workers to segregate themselves into groups, Murro Botero says. For instance, women with young children will naturally congregate because they have something in common. These groupings only become damaging to a company when the groups begin gossiping about others in the office, Murro Botero says.

When gossip threatens an office’s stability, managers can take several steps. Murro Botero recommends that managers deal with the rumors quickly, rather than letting them fester. They should speak to the employees involved in spreading the rumor both individually and as a group. Managers should also set up one-to-one meetings between the subject of the rumor and each person responsible for spreading it.

To prevent rumors from starting in the first place, managers should make sure that office communication is always encouraged in the office, Murro Botero says. At small companies, managers can schedule monthly meetings where employees are encouraged to air their concerns about the workplace. At larger companies, managers can set up a hotline number where employees can call in with their concerns, she says.

Employees, of course, have less power to stop office gossip. But they can make sure they don’t become part of it. Employees should immediately walk away when their co-workers start gossiping, business ethicist Nan DeMars says. The gossipmonger should get the hint. If the gossip is malicious, employees should tell their co-workers that what they’re saying sounds like nothing more than a rumor that probably isn’t even true, she says.

“Never encourage a gossip, even passively,” DeMars advises. “Otherwise you’ll get sucked in. You have to be direct to let the gossip know that you’re not interested.”

Walking away from gossip – no matter how juicy the tidbits may be – is not only morally correct, but in your self-interest. “If someone gossips with you, you can bet that they will gossip about you, too,” DeMars says. “Some people love to gossip. They want to gossip as much as possible because it makes them feel important.”

And if you’re the subject of office gossip? Then it’s time for some confrontation. Ashkan Karbasfrooshan, vice president of corporate development and young professional columnist with the online men’s magazine AskMen.com, recommends that employees approach the source of the rumors. By doing this, they can find out why their co-worker spread the rumor and clear up any misconceptions. Once confronted, most office gossips will quickly back down and apologize.

“As a rule, confrontation in the workplace generally isn’t good. But it is good if the truth comes out as a result of it,” Karbasfrooshan says. “Maybe a confrontation will result in five minutes of awkward time. It’s worth it if it can help end the rumors. Don’t forget, you’re not at a schoolyard. You’re at work. It’s supposed to be professional.”

Employees should also refrain from fighting fire with fire.

“If you hear an untrue rumor about yourself, you have to attack it head on,” DeMars says. “You have to clear it up by confronting the person who started the rumor. But whatever you do, don’t respond with a counter rumor. That doesn’t help anything, and it lowers you to the level of the original gossip.”

Employees can also do their part to stop the spread of gossip by approaching the victims of office rumors and telling them what’s going on and who’s spreading the rumors. This then gives the victims the chance to confront the office gossip.

“If you feel bad after hearing these rumors, by all means, talk to the person who is being gossiped about,” Karbasfrooshan says. “You have the right to inform them about what is going on.”

And those workers who thrive on office gossip better watch out. They might one day face repercussions from their rumor-spreading ways. Just ask DeMars.

One of her clients, a top official at General Mills, had just lost his executive secretary to retirement and needed to replace her. He had three candidates in mind, all who worked as secretaries in cubicles just outside his office door. All three had the same excellent qualifications. But something set one of the candidates apart: While her two co-workers started every morning by gossiping about their fellow employees, the third would politely excuse herself to get a cup of coffee, make a telephone call or catch up on some work. The executive hired the third worker.

“The best rule for yourself is a simple one: If the person who you’re talking about hears what you have to say, would you mind?” DeMars said. “If they would, then don’t say it.”

DeMars has good reason for giving this advice. The way she sees it, office gossip never dies. Instead, it circulates from cubicle to cubicle until the subject of the rumor eventually hears it. And when that person finds out you were the one starting the rumor, you may be in store for some deservedly uncomfortable days at the office. The odds are good that you’ll never regain that co-worker’s trust.

So, even though we all know that office gossip is hurtful, and most often the rumors it generates aren’t even true, then why do most of us persist in lapping it up? That’s simple: Gossip is undeniably interesting. Why else would newspapers devote entire columns to it?

“Like anything else, advice on stopping gossip is easier to give than it is to follow,” Karbasfrooshan says.

Delve Deeper

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But Leslie Minnix-Wolfe knows that there’s another side. Her office romance resulted in a marriage that’s now in its eleventh year, two wonderful children and a husband whom she loves dearly.

“Remember the movie ‘When Harry Met Sally?’ Well, my husband is Harry and I’m Sally,” laughs Minnix-Wolfe, a resident of Reston, Va. “He was always the guy I’d talk to when my relationships were failing. He always came to me when things weren’t working out for him. We became friends first. We have so much in common. We’ve been married eleven years and we’re still going strong.”

Minnix-Wolfe and her husband, Jeff Wolfe, know that they’re the exception. Most workers who embark on office romances are headed for disaster. Like all other relationships, the majority of office romances end with the couple splitting up. If the split is amicable, that’s fine. If it’s not, that’s trouble, especially when the former romantic interests must see each other every day at work.

Even faced with this grim reality, U.S. employees are still falling in love with their co-workers. In fact, it’s happening quite often. According to a survey conducted by Harlequin Enterprises, the Toronto company famous for its steamy romance novels, nearly 40 percent of adults have dated a co-worker, while 72 percent know of fellow employees who date each other.

Meanwhile, businesses are doing little to discourage these workplace dalliances. A study by the Society for Human Resource Management found that 72 percent of companies had no written policy addressing office romances. Of those companies that did have a policy, 55 percent permitted – but discouraged – office flings. Only seven percent had policies that outright forbade such romances.

So, even if it’s generally a bad idea, office romances are going to happen. Fortunately, workers who fall for their cubicle mates needn’t panic. An office romance doesn’t have to mean trouble for a career. Workers can follow several steps to make sure their office love doesn’t get them demoted, fired or laughed out of their company.

Keep your hands to yourself

One sure way for employees to lose respect at the office is to act like lovesick teens. No one wants to see the office manager smooching with the head of the marketing department in the lunchroom.

Minnix-Wolfe and her husband, both software engineers, made sure to spare their co-workers this sight.

“We were an item out of the office, not in it,” Minnix-Wolfe says. “We never started any physical stuff at the office. We didn’t treat each other like we were dating. We were there to work. We weren’t making out in the bathrooms. If that’s your primary focus, anyway, it’s not going to be a successful relationship.”

Judith Sherven and Jim Sniechowksi, a husband-and-wife team of corporate counselors living in Windham, N.Y., say that more office daters should follow Minnix-Wolfe’s lead. Unfortunately, they add, most don’t.

“Some people have to keep their office romances hush-hush,” observes Sherven, a clinical psychologist. “When you’re keeping it a secret, that makes the relationship even more exciting. It’s like sneaking out the bedroom window when you’re 16. Unfortunately, this isn’t a good representation of what the relationship really is all about. It’s more fun being a sneak than it is being in a real relationship.”

“A relationship like this can turn two adults into adolescents,” adds Sniechowski. “That’s the problem with the first part of a love affair. Having a successful office romance requires a real consciousness. You have to be careful to act professionally at work. Unfortunately, with most people consciousness is the first thing to go by the boards when they’re starting a relationship. You have to be more careful when starting an office romance than when you are involved in a romance outside the office.”

Part of being mature in the office includes not dating your boss. It also means not dating anyone who reports directly to you. Doing this leads to all sorts of conflict-of-interest problems. It can also lead to sexual harassment lawsuits.

“It’s really a problem when people get involved in a vertical romance,” Sniechowski confirms. “In this situation, what comes first, business or love? Can you deliver an order to someone you’re in love with?”

Talk about it with your superiors

When starting an office romance, most people initially try to keep their relationship a secret. This, though, can cause problems, especially when a supervisor later uncovers the hidden romance.

Sherven and Sniechowski advise workers to tell their immediate supervisors about their romance. This can be difficult. But often, supervisors can suggest ways to make an office romance less stressful. One member of the couple, perhaps, could work in a different division where they won’t see their partner as often during the workday.

But what of employees whose companies have written policies prohibiting office romances? They should still tell their bosses.

“If the romance is genuine and you’re working in a company where office romances are taboo, then there really is no great way to handle it,” maintains Robin Gorman Newman, a relationship counselor in Great Neck, N.Y., whose website, www.lovecoach.com, offers dating advice. “But you can always get a new job if you have to. If you meet a great guy in the office, go for it. If worst comes to worst, get your résumé ready.”

Date for the right reasons

Today’s workers are logging in longer hours than ever. Some spend most of their evenings or weekends stuck in the office. It’s only natural that they would become attracted to the people with whom they’re spending most of their time – their co-workers.

But this can cause problems. Too many office relationships start only because their participants feel they’ll never have the time to meet a romantic partner outside the workplace.

“Are you attracted to this person because you’re spending so many hours in the office? Is it a situation of convenience or is it a true interest? That’s what you have to ask yourself,” Gorman Newman advises. “Make sure before you begin a relationship that it’s for the right reasons, not because you’re working longer hours and are lonely and desperate.”

Office daters must also be certain of their motives when starting a relationship, Sherven and Sniechowski report. Often, one member of an office item is looking for a casual relationship while another is seeking a deeper commitment. Of course, this happens to couples who date outside the office, too. But those couples don’t have to deal with the inevitable hurt feelings while working with the person who broke their heart.

“At the earliest time possible, you must talk about what each person is looking for,” Sherven said. “You need to have an honest, open conversation about what you have in mind. Ordinarily, you wouldn’t do that. But this is a special situation. You have to make sure you both are on the same plane.”

Some business experts, though, say office romances are rarely worth the hassles they bring. Linda Talley, a Houston author who’s written the book Business Finesse: Dealing with Sticky Situations in the Workforce, is one of them.

“Certainly, a lot of office romances have worked,” Talley admits. “But those are the exception. Most do not work. And they cause great stress at the office.”

Talley says office romances are especially dangerous for women. Females are usually judged much more harshly when they become romantically involved with a co-worker, she says. This happens no matter how much power the female employee holds with the company, she adds.

“People always think the grass is greener,” Talley says. “That’s why they have office romances. There will always be office romances. They won’t go away. But people should take a leadership role when they’re at work. They should say, ‘I’m here to work, not to carry on with somebody.'”

Delving Deeper

If You Must…

If you just can’t help yourself and are considering engaging in some office romance, follow these common-sense guidelines:

• Act Your Age – Maintain a professional demeanor at work, and leave the groping for after hours
• ‘Fess Up – Tell your immediate supervisors about your relationship; they may suggest ways to lower the stress level of your office romance
• Avoid Power Plays – Never get involved with someone you supervise; such a romance can lead to sexual harassment complaints
• Be Tech-Savvy – If you’ve ever hit the send button only to discover you’ve mistakenly emailed a message to your entire address book, you’ll understand why it’s not a good idea to write erotic notes to your partner at work or leave suggestive messages on your lover’s voicemail. Plus, employers have a right to delve into your email and voicemail at work; inappropriate messages aren’t a good career move
• Be Prepared – It’s always a good idea to keep your resume updated, but you might need it sooner than expected if your office romance goes sour and you can’t stand to be around your ex any longer